After my appointment yesterday, I took a few moments to read some paperwork that I had picked up about low-income housing. With just my income, there is no way I can afford a place to live, and I need help. Period.

My husband had been head of household when we had housing assistance before. He made a horrible mess out of it. Looking back, I think it was one of those "If I screw up the bank, she has no money to leave me. If I screw up housing assistance, she can't afford a place of her own. If I screw up her credit, she can't get a place of her own." Why didn't I see it then? Maybe I did a little. Something felt 'off', but I couldn't put my finger on it, and every time I asked about things, I got a vague assurance that everything was taken care of. Pushing made him angry. I learned not to push. So I guess in a way, I believed him because I sort of had to. Or felt like I had to. Or something like that. The bottom line is that he was extremely intimidating, and he had tried to kill me in the past. How do you even begin to confront someone like that?

Actually, I did confront him this May. His response to me telling him that he was lying to me and stealing to me was to initially deny it. When I told him I knew the truth, he attacked me. He threatened to kill me. He tried to strangle me.

How can the authorities expect me to sit next to him at a table and talk to them with him sitting next to me, especially when what I have to say is... unflattering... to him? Then, they hold me responsible for what he did. Would it really have mattered if I'd spoken up (other than me probably ending up at the hospital)? I don't know.

Labels: abuse, domestic violence, economic abuse, financial abuse, housing, recovery, survivor