Isn't always easy. For me, today, it was painful. Very painful. Despite the fact that I am angry at my husband, furious, in fact, I do still love him. And this morning, I went to the police and filed a report against him for stealing my checks and using them. I took copies of the checks and bank records as evidence, copies of the letters the merchant has sent demanding payment for the debt... even showed the chief of police the time/date stamp on my temporary Protection from Abuse order, which I was filing when the check was written.

I haven't cried yet, but I can feel it coming. I hate to see him arrested and possibly sent to jail for anything, really. Even though he did some terrible things to me, basically put me and the kids through hell, I didn't want to do this. I just didn't have a choice.

I have always stood up and taken responsibility when he's made mistakes and done things that are wrong. Mainly when it came to the bank, I always took the fall. I can't do it again. Especially now. All I have left is the kids. And if I were to take the fall for this, financially, it would hurt. It would bite heavily into what money I have to support the kids. Legally, I could go to prison myself, and probably have a pretty good chance of doing so because I've always taken responsibility for this in the past. If that were to happen, what about the kids? Where would they go? Given what's happened, I don't know how their father would handle the responsibility, don't know anything about his living situation, and that scares me. Foster care? It could happen, and that scares me too.

Maybe it'll be a good thing for him if he is arrested and goes to jail. He'd finally have to face the consequences of his actions. Maybe he'll learn something from it - my son did.

Labels: abuse, domestic violence, financial abuse, fraud, recovery, survivor, theft