I've commented several times about economic abuse and domestic violence. I guess in part because it feels to me like so many people just don't understand what I'm trying to tell them. Yesterday, for example, I had a government worker tell me that it was my 'personal responsibility' to make sure that my husband was being honest about the finances, work, etc. But how?

I wasn't allowed to use the phone without supervision at best. (This escalated to him hiding the phone and removing batteries so I couldn't use it at all. And when I did find it and fix the batteries. It was not a pretty scene when I got caught.)

I couldn't go out without him knowing exactly where I was going, and he'd check up on me, make sure I'd gone where I said I had. No side trips allowed. I couldn't even go across the street to the store without him. If I tried, he'd make me wait. I'd beg, tell him the place was going to close in just a few minutes and I needed to go immediately, but he'd stop me and make me wait even then. Even when it was for something necessary for the house.

Heck, friends once invited me out of state to visit, because they said I was very stressed and needed some time to decompress. I was away for a few hours, when hubby showed up unannounced. And stayed. He'd borrowed a car to trail me.

So. How was I to check up on him, make sure he was doing what he was supposed to? And at what risk to myself? One time I did find and use the telephone, and he was angry at me for 'snooping', because I found where he'd hidden the phone. Angry abusers are dangerous. Period.

This article interested me:
Domestic Violence Can Also Include Economic Abuse

The little-publicized stepchild of domestic violence, economic abuse involves manipulating a partner by controlling his or her finances. Perpetrators' tactics can include forcing their partners to sign over their paychecks and purposely racking up debt to ruin victims' credit.

This is some of what he did to me. My credit is destroyed, and is making it very hard for me to be able to rent an apartment. No matter that I didn't do any of it. Trying to explain to landlords and rental agents about it doesn't seem to help, either. So. Where does that leave me?

Even so, almost 70 percent of people responding to a recent national survey said they see no link between economic abuse and domestic violence.

Not surprising to me. In fact, it pretty much explains a lot of the roadblocks I'm running into while trying to start my life over.

"Most people haven't even heard of economic abuse," said Jennifer McGrath, spokeswoman for the Allstate Foundation Economics Against Abuse program, which commissioned the study. "When we tell them, people just sit back. It's their aha moment. It's so powerful.

"A lot of times, people will say, 'Why doesn't she just leave?' But if you've been forced to hand over your paycheck, how are you supposed to find a place to stay and put food on the table?"

Good question. Even though I've left him, I'm still dealing with the damage he did to me financially. Many people still seem to blame me for what he did, even though there was really nothing I could do to stop it or change it. Even speaking up and questioning him nearly cost me my life.

There are many places to turn for help with other aspects of domestic violence. For physical abuse, you can go to the hospital, doctors, police, domestic violence shelters, even the court system for protection orders. For emotional abuse, there is counseling, mental health help and therapy. For sexual abuse, police, therapists, doctors, hospitals and the courts can help. For economic abuse? I have found little to no help for this, which makes trying to recover from it all the harder.

I would love to see some sort of 'clean slate' law for domestic violence survivors that would allow a victim to basically qualify for a special type of bankruptcy, one that wouldn't show up on the credit report in the same way a standard bankruptcy does, and is offered on a sliding fee scale, even free if necessary. A victim would have to essentially file for a normal bankruptcy and go through the standard procedures. Additional documentation of the abuse would be required, but would have to be something from the authorities, such as police reports or an order of protection. Allowing this type of bankruptcy would give victims a better chance of being able to start their lives over.

Labels: abuse, bankruptcy, credit, do, domestic violence, economic abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, recovery, survivor